Bad Copywriter! No Cookie!

Yesterday I got a letter from my insurance agent. Well, I got a letter from their national office (the postmark was not here in Houston) but it was pretty well put together, with his name and a scanned signature. It was a clear, short letter informing me of the upcoming date of my policy renewal, and inviting me to call him with question in case I need to change my coverage. It was a helpful, good letter.

Except.

After this nice letter, written in a good personal tone, there was a PS (standard DM copy technique, of course) reminding me of his direct line. But it ended with this:

"Life changes. Your insurance should keep up. That's our stand."

That's your stand? You mean, like taking a stand on a controversial issue (like insurance should be useful)? With nine words, the copywriter blew the personal tone of the letter and made is sound like stupid corporate-speak. Wham! Instead of a helpful letter from my insurance agent, the piece was transformed into a dumb direct mailer.

If you are going to write something in a personal tone, stick with the personal tone. Don't turn it into something else just to get your current tagline or some kind of branding message in there. I like getting mail from a business that tells me something useful. I don't like getting ads from someone I'm already doing business with that offer me nothing new. Opportunity blown. Allstate, consider different copywriters (I'm available!).